You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize