Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
