Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
