our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
