She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
