Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
