I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
