Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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