: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize