just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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