is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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