I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm at about main and main street
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
