Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
