Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
