My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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