you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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