You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
