I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
