i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
