why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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