just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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