You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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