Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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