got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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