sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
