My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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