that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cut my penus on the lid.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
