his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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