This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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