Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize