i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
