....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
