So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
