i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My breasts were aching with rage.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
