What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
