Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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