i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
