i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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