I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
