put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
