Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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