You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
