Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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