if i died would you start the facebook group?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
