i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
