we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
