I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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