Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the day after is always just damage control
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
