he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
