Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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