mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
operation have a gay friend backfired
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
