I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
