I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize