Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
