you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
