i just sent this text using only my big toe
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
