I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
His nipple licking is glorious
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