Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
