im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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