That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
