So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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