Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
please don't ironically join a cult
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