operation harelip BJ is a go
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
