I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
