when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
