Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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