yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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