1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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