Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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