nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
