you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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