Jerry, you need to find god
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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