if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
