Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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