dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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