i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
