I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
