My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
