He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
