His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
