he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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