i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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