So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
