well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
