well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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