Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
